This morning at Haddie’s one year check-up I had to laugh when her pediatrician started describing the “winter funk.” I laughed because if I didn’t they would need a mop to clean up all my tears. Man, what a winter funk I’ve been in lately. Between mid-December and now we’ve had a stomach bug, the flu, hand foot & mouth disease, RSV, and another stomach bug wreck havoc in our house. It feels like just when we’re catching our breath from one illness someone else is over in the corner puking their guts out (please excuse the imagery). The pediatrician should be in my Verizon Friends & Family plan because I’ve certainly called them enough this season.
We have this saying with Sadie. After her punishment we ask if she has a “a happy heart”, if the answer is yes she may resume normal activities. I think I read it on some parenting blog, which I probably found from Pinterest. Nevertheless, I’ve been asking myself lately if I in fact have a “happy heart.” If I’m quite honest the answer is probably no. I’m a constant complainer these days. If you happen to run into me at Kroger, well shoot I even feel bad for you. I don’t want to be a complainer so sometimes I’ll just smile and say ok when asked how I’m doing. But then I’m just well….. boring, as the crickets chirp even louder because I don’t know what else to say. Between sickness, the cold weather, and the whole me, mine, my syndrome I’ve got going on, I have been a hot mess.
A couple of weeks ago I was reading through Numbers 14 where the Israelites start to grumble against God and Aaron & Moses. They say things like “Would that we had died in the land of Egypt? Or would that we had died in this wilderness…….Would it not be better for us to go back to Egypt?” (where they were in slavery mind you). As crazy as this sounded upon first reading, I started realizing “sweet heavens, this is me!” As much as I hate to admit it, I am a glass is half empty kind of girl. I love to read inspiring books & watch movies like The Blind Side where I subsequently scream “you go girl” at the TV. But the truth is I am not a “the sun will come out tomorrow” gal. In fact you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be whining about how cloudy the skies are. Circumstances get to me. I know I shouldn’t let them. I know I should look around & be thankful for all the many blessings in my life. But I just don’t.
I can’t help but feel like God is pushing me towards a deeper sense of contentment this season. More than just a shift to a glass is half full mentality. A shift towards “No matter what is swirling around me, I can trust that God is faithful” kind of mentality. Because though I do have far too many earthly blessings to count, they will one day fade away. And they don’t pale in comparison to the giver of those gifts. My trust and my hope are not in what I deem fit as “good things” but in Jesus. Over all the dirty diaper changes, the 2 am night wakings, and trash cans overflowing with tissues God is whispering “Am I enough April? Do you trust me?”
I’m certainly not going down without a fight on this one. It’s already gotten pretty ugly at times. I’ll probably wrestle all my life with not letting my present circumstances define my heart attitude. But for now I’m adding the phrase “Do you have a happy heart? Because He is faithful” to our little family saying. And sneaking a few pieces of leftover Valentine’s candy during nap time.